musings of mine

i seem to have got myself into a kind of funk lately. i think it all began when i tore a contact lens on sunday morning…then i had to go teacher-fy at Co-MUN that afternoon and be front of house-ing also. i wore my glasses. i look…well different with them on and my face constantly itches. so i’m a twitchy glasses wearing person…

my recent funk has nothing to do with the glasses though. funnily enough. it’s this bad…feeling i keep getting every now and then..damn annoying also…while i sit here trying (keyword) to sort out the fuddly mess in my head…i think maybe it’s this awful cold that’s brought this funk..or maybe it’s just that feeling you get every now and then (well i do) that life sometimes just lacks purpose. mine does…. i know there’s a lot i can do and honestly should do, but i never get around to giving myself a knock on the head. i just saunter along dabbling here and there. quite depressing actually. i wish i could sort of pin point at a particular area of my life and say, ‘this is what i need to do…because this is where i’m going wrong.’ unfortunately i can’t. going to sleep now.

P.S. the name was changed cos a bipsy barun asked me to….’musings of a cigarette smoking man’ is now above mine ;P i’m a nice girl na…lol 

working two jobs isn’t easy. coming home at 9pm every night isn’t easy. breaking rest so the love of your life knows you still love him as much as you did when he left isnt easy. feeding the damn dogs isnt easy. try working two jobs, coming home at 9pm every night, breaking rest so the love of you life knows you still love him and feeding the dogs in one go. haiyo thamayi.

i started blogging cos i ran out of paper. (being out of school kinda chokes the constant supply of exercise books) now it’s thing ane. a nice thing. definitely not one of those ‘aiyo must do because that is one of the things you have to do’ kind of thing. its a nice thing.

i can’t wait for the weekend. even though i know i’ll be spending most of my time doing stuff, i still cant wait for it. sometimes i wonder why i keep telling people ‘ya sure i’ll come. no problem. i’ll do it men…aiyo no no i’m jobless’ truth be told i’m not jobless and i’d really like some time when i have absolutely nothing to do but sit around and do nothing….get my drift?

if everything goes off as planned i’ll be teaching at the special needs unit at Ladies’ College from Monday. and that’s not one of those ‘aya sure i’ll come no problem i’m jobless no’ kind of things. that i got into with eyes wide open. it’s one of those things that will make me feel good, and yet incredibly sad. you know? teaching kids like that always evokes that kind of feeling in me. and doing that will satisfy that gnawing feeling (and almost irritating voice in my head..) that feeling that keeps saying ‘must do something for the betterment of society’ which is constantly fighting that other feeling which says ‘no one else is bothered, and even though i bother it’s not like everyone else will bother…bothering is not a chain reaction na’

i can’t wait till april. i really truely can’t. three weeks…three blissful weeks!  

so ya…now i’m going to watch some Lost..season three episode seven which i downloaded after GREAT pains! And (drumroll please) great accomplishment for the month of Feb. i draped the saree all by myself this morning…i’m soo proud of me!

i think it’s a trait i get from my darling mum! the ability to procrastinate. and then at the last minute i will stress over something i could’ve done in stages in an unstressful environment. not that i’m complaining. i love the chaos and the adrenaline doing something in the last minute offers..but sometimes..well those are the moments which make me want to be more organized!

like today. i brought this mound of books to correct on wednesday evening. had i started on them that evening i would have been spared the joy of being up till god knows when correcting a million and one essays! sigh. and i was home on friday also. anyway blogging about it isn’t going to make the essays go away….so its back to the books for me! 

my resolution for the month of february: i will not blog about the political situation of this country.

having said that, i shall write about something completely neutral, so unbiased that it will seem like..kirihodi..that which is neither spicy nor sweet.

 anddddd….having stared at the screen for some time…i can concluded that being at home with nothing to do is a nice feeling. but being at home, with nothing to do and being sick is not a nice feeling. This heat is dreadful. and now i have orders to lose more weight otherwise…well…i’d rather not say. And i like Dishwalla.

"In sooth, I know not why I am so sad:
It wearies me; you say it wearies you;
But how I caught it, found it, or came by it,
What stuff ’tis made of, whereof it is born,
I am to learn;
And such a want-wit sadness makes of me,
That I have much ado to know myself"

i’m going through the headlines. and you know what…ignorance is bliss.

i watched part of the President’s address on T.V. today. sigh. what a huge publicity stunt maaaann…what a massive attempt to tell the people ‘everything’s all right…we’re cool…all this money we’re spending means you must disregard the escalating cost of living’

i have this theory that there’s this huge conspiracy going on…you know..and everyone’s in on it..the LTTE, the government, the opposition, the clergy..and the people are the only ones who are left in the dark. i can’t believe anyone in their right mind would use the money of a drowning nation and spend it on an Independence Day project!!!!!!!!! argh! there are hungry people. there’s a fricking war in the north. there are internally displaced people out there. tsunami victims. hell..there are enough beggars on the Galle Road that could use a good meal or two. the rural population could use that money. the farmers could use that money. but noooo…the decision was made to squander money -that i think fell from the sky- on a….gosh i don’t know..thinking about it frustrates me. i don’t even know why im bothering to write about it. im just wasting time i could spend on planning my lessons for tomrw. i feel sorry for those people who don’t have the option of migrating abroad. people complain about brain drain, and that all the intelligent people leave these fools behind to run the country. at times i’d wonder why as well. but then along comes another fool and opens his mouth and then i see the difference. that’s why the INTELLIGENT leave and the fools stay behind. i think im probably a fool too. a fool for nurturing a hope within me. a hope that someday someone out there would be selfless and do something good for this choking nation. looking at the current situation of Sri Lanka all i can say is we’re rotting in our own shit.

so yes. there’s nationalism, there’s patriotism. and then..then..there’s Sri Lanka.  

it is after some time that i bothered to blog again. trust me it is not the lack of subject matter that kept me away from tap tapping away at my keyboard, but merely the feelings common amongst most islanders; kammalikama and doimatha.

i have however tried to accomplish many things since i last blogged. i have solomnly sworn to myself that i will TRY (note the keyword here; TRY) to be organized. I will also try to get rid of this tardiness i have inherited from my maternal parent. i will also be more happy and appreciative of what i have. i will not bitch  about the state of this country, neither will i make any comments on the ‘crossover saga’. i will sleep properly. i will not let my brain rust in this cesspool of laziness as i await correspondence from the University Grants Comission. i will consider going to India. i will go and get an American Visa, soon. i will try not to drop my mobile phone. i will watch all the seasons of Smallville available and i will ogle at Tom Welling! and i will reconnect with an old friend whom i have lost touch with…because she means alot to me.

i know, my list of ‘i wills’ is loonng..but atleast i’m trying. and that i hear is half the battle

it’s amazing how soon time passes. everyday it seems like the day will never end, and that the next day will never dawn. yet now we have welcomed the month of february. amazing. 

 now having satisfied the ‘i will blog today’ i shall now get back to Smallville, my latest obsession!