dicarded
the past week has been..well..trying. i have discovered something about a person i was extremely close to that has left me…very hurt. it sucks sometimes to think that the people you thought you knew so well could just turn around and discard you. could consider you, and your emotions as chaff…something to be thrown away.
i realize that there are many reasons which drove this person to do what she did. then when i listen to her give me these reasons all i feel is that she’s just giving me bullshit excuses. at the end of the day all i can think of is that she has been utterly selfish. she has ignored everything she has.
i’ve tried to do the intelligent thing here. i’ve tried to look at it from her point of view; doing that just made me think worse of her. then i just told her off. i told her she had no values or morals or ethics and that she was doing a fucked up job at setting an example to those around her. and then i felt bad because i said that…after a couple of hours i told her that it was ok and that i’m going to do the christian thing here and forgive and forget. that was on wednesday.
it’s sunday. everytime i see her, i’m so hurt. i’m so angry. and i’m reminded of the fact that she told me no matter what happens she doesn’t intend on stopping this….activity of hers. i so badly want to forgive and forget. but gosh i can’t. and in the process of trying to sort out this crisis i realise that instead, i am unconsciously distancing myself from her. which sucks. but then i supposed thats the way the law of the universe will have it. if she continues she will lose someone close to her. and i think that someone will be me.
all i can say right now is thank god for shanil.
